Not your average Revenant

Not your average Revenant

One of my own pics of the northwest

Cinematographic wonders like this frequented the movie

CNET just compiled their list of the worst 50 films of the year, and disappointingly, the Revenant somehow didn't make the list.  I can't imagine why.

Alright, so first off, spoiler alert for all of you who haven't seen the "highly acclaimed" Revenant...it's really not that great.

If you're anything like me you'll read the first lines in the movie "based on true events," and you'll be excited, an adventure in the northwest based on a true story!?haha.  Yeah, if only!

Truth be told, the movie ends up being yet another wild run by Leonardo DiCaprio for his first Oscar.  If you read any of the initial reviews, you might think, well he certainly did sell out for his role.  Some said  he was 200% committed to his role.  Well, that he was.

The problem with the movie wasn't the acting.  Indeed as the Onion questioned (Ps you should really read that onion article), Leonardo DiCaprio Hopes He Screamed And Cried Good Enough In ‘The Revenant’ To Win Oscar.  In fact, the screaming and the crying were actually quite good and...gripping?  I mean there really is nothing quite like watching DiCaprio scream and squirm as a bear eats him alive, or as he moans, spitting dirt down his ugly beard as he pulls himself out of his makeshift grave.  No, the real problem was the entire movie was acting.  Wordless silence permeated the movie like a squatting Native American spirit.  Hardly anyone spoke actual words the entire movie, and when DiCaprio did speak, half of the time he was using subtitles, so he might as well have just continued moaning.

The Face

Script aside, the plot was just plain egregious.  The movie ended up being a spliced version of pretty much every crazy survival story in the northwest with a tinge of revenge, but the revenge itself was haphazardly didactic at best.  It was as though the director wanted to teach a lesson and then forgot what that lesson was after watching DiCaprio plunge a knife deep into his opponents hand.  DiCaprio's character, filled with hate and vengeance, tracks down his son's killer until, at the last moment, he sees Natives, who have also sought to kill the same man, and supposedly in triumph, or as an act of self-preservation, or in an odd spirit of forgiveness, he floats the killer's body downstream, where the Natives exact their revenge.  All I can say is: that's messed up.

What's probably even worse, is the amount of time I spent laughing during such a horrid, gruesome movie.  And maybe that's why it should win tons of Golden Globes and Oscars because in the end, you really leave the theater feeling like DiCaprio's grizzly, dirty beard was rubbed all over your face.

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